Threshold of Beyond

I feel like took a trip back in time, to the last year in which struggle to keep money. The paycheck arrived and it was use in as little as half a second, to pay all the bills that were collected, and yet they didn’t even scratch the surface of the water. So that give you a little bit of anxiety, but then my mother called me and said she been a car accident and the person had runaway. I ran out and help her out, just like the time I ran out and help my dad when he cut … Continue reading Threshold of Beyond

Once in a Cross

Growing I’ll never pay much attention to religion/faith, how we got here and where we go, just didn’t seem like things you needed to be bother with. No one around me seem to even be the slightest interested in. It seem like it was antiquated movement of ill-minded people who were clinging to something I neither comprehend nor could visualize. Delusional perhaps, I would have said. My own attempts to wrap my mind around, were meet with lost as to why anyone would ever spend a minute doing this. As the years progress my mentality around this subject has slowly … Continue reading Once in a Cross

Blood Doctrine

Bleeding just never get old If you ever look at that crimson life giving fluid and think “huh, shouldn’t that be in me?”. Then your probably like me, half crazy half scare out your mind with this whole bleeding things happens. Even if it last for five days, or two. Seeing your blood spew from either your inside back up, as blood vomit or running down your eyes and nose, it don’t change a thing. Yet life still goes on. Continue reading Blood Doctrine

Pictures of You

Hello, I have always been camera shy, maybe it the fact not what you called goodlooking or even slightly alright. But I have been ever afraid sense my last two surgeries of losing my memories. The fever, like fervent fire consume so much of them, and with no pictures…all that is forever lost. And you see dear reader, I wanted to immortalize the moments. I know another surgery loom over in the future. So now getting photocrazy and taking pictures of absolutely everything, obviously I’m still not the best and incredibly shy about it. And the sort of guy who can … Continue reading Pictures of You

Silver Screen

Hello folks. Here something I been wanting to do for ages: Watch films. And that is another part of depression, usually I like to watch films with others, but felt like my life choice everyone was saying: Oh don’t watch that, or you watch that? My gosh what wrong with you! So with that in mind, I felt like my choices were terrible, watching alone in my house felt, sort of stupid and without meaning. And that when I discover, I have to feel happy about my own things, at my own time and by myself. Learn to love one … Continue reading Silver Screen

To anyone that got an ear!

And here is another day Have you ever found yourself taking a taxi back home and telling the driver everything about your life? Or perhaps the passenger sitting next to in that long train ride with nothing but snow outside. And how about that cashier, bank-teller and even that girl you just recently meet at the pub. You talking to anyone and everything, because your alone. Because you wanted that stuff out off you. To be heard, to be told and even question. Dammit, man my life matter and important! You shout like some crazy person behind the bars inside … Continue reading To anyone that got an ear!

Father Time

Hello It been tremendous amount of time sense my last post. It’s all do to a combination of mental breakdown (that arose as response to year of apathy and depression) and lack of money, which force me to work overtime, and in holidays. I worked Christmas, New Year’s Eve and New Year. And you think I would had been incredibly sad to have spend those days work instead that with my family. But… Actually, no I was quite happy. It jut happen that in those days before the coming new year, I saw that my inner desperation, the need to run … Continue reading Father Time

Vortex of Lunacy

Oh man, feel like my life slipping into some enormous hole. A very good friend of mine drag me after seeing my miserable self and told me, I must go to a specialist to seek help. I was afraid of the mindset I recently had, I wanted to seriously go to this specialist. The meeting was wonderful and very personal, yet when I was there I didn’t feel it. I didn’t feel much because of the apathy at that moment. So here I was with this psychologist and he told me, I was seeing life “black & white” as I’m currently … Continue reading Vortex of Lunacy

God’s lonely man

Boy, going through one those amazingly powerful apathy. One which makes all activities as dull as butter knife, even coming here and typing this seem to provoke a “what the point?” sort of dilemma. Yet, I wish to continue and push forward yet even that seem to require all my energy. PS: Have you ever gone through some enormous apathy? Continue reading God’s lonely man