Threshold of Beyond

I feel like took a trip back in time, to the last year in which struggle to keep money. The paycheck arrived and it was use in as little as half a second, to pay all the bills that were collected, and yet they didn’t even scratch the surface of the water. So that give you a little bit of anxiety, but then my mother called me and said she been a car accident and the person had runaway. I ran out and help her out, just like the time I ran out and help my dad when he cut … Continue reading Threshold of Beyond

Once in a Cross

Growing I’ll never pay much attention to religion/faith, how we got here and where we go, just didn’t seem like things you needed to be bother with. No one around me seem to even be the slightest interested in. It seem like it was antiquated movement of ill-minded people who were clinging to something I neither comprehend nor could visualize. Delusional perhaps, I would have said. My own attempts to wrap my mind around, were meet with lost as to why anyone would ever spend a minute doing this. As the years progress my mentality around this subject has slowly … Continue reading Once in a Cross

Silver Screen

Hello folks. Here something I been wanting to do for ages: Watch films. And that is another part of depression, usually I like to watch films with others, but felt like my life choice everyone was saying: Oh don’t watch that, or you watch that? My gosh what wrong with you! So with that in mind, I felt like my choices were terrible, watching alone in my house felt, sort of stupid and without meaning. And that when I discover, I have to feel happy about my own things, at my own time and by myself. Learn to love one … Continue reading Silver Screen

Ye Good ole Telly

You ever scan the crowd for them? Those who like you? The faces in the rain, the addicts behind the curtains. You star the night off with two beers, no matter how much you wash your hands the fucking smell of carburetor cleaner and break fluids just won’t leave. You drink your first beer while making that shrimp soup. Twice you glance down, your hands and what you see is your hands are still dirty from the grease, caked under your nails, black as tar. You sit down on the oak table, and start your second beer. The shrimp soup … Continue reading Ye Good ole Telly

To anyone that got an ear!

And here is another day Have you ever found yourself taking a taxi back home and telling the driver everything about your life? Or perhaps the passenger sitting next to in that long train ride with nothing but snow outside. And how about that cashier, bank-teller and even that girl you just recently meet at the pub. You talking to anyone and everything, because your alone. Because you wanted that stuff out off you. To be heard, to be told and even question. Dammit, man my life matter and important! You shout like some crazy person behind the bars inside … Continue reading To anyone that got an ear!

Vortex of Lunacy

Oh man, feel like my life slipping into some enormous hole. A very good friend of mine drag me after seeing my miserable self and told me, I must go to a specialist to seek help. I was afraid of the mindset I recently had, I wanted to seriously go to this specialist. The meeting was wonderful and very personal, yet when I was there I didn’t feel it. I didn’t feel much because of the apathy at that moment. So here I was with this psychologist and he told me, I was seeing life “black & white” as I’m currently … Continue reading Vortex of Lunacy

Train to Nowhere

Hello, A memory of childhood floats to my heads: People are pushing and shouting. I look outside the train window, the mist from the morning covers the woods and beautiful mantel of stars lay above us. My child like mind can’t comprehend the infinitum that above us. In those moments I didn’t know the train had stop because someone had throw themselves in front of it, crush be the wheels, they say it was man whose wife had left him. I wonder if he look up to the stars and saw only cold infinity starting back at him, alone and … Continue reading Train to Nowhere

God’s lonely man

Boy, going through one those amazingly powerful apathy. One which makes all activities as dull as butter knife, even coming here and typing this seem to provoke a “what the point?” sort of dilemma. Yet, I wish to continue and push forward yet even that seem to require all my energy. PS: Have you ever gone through some enormous apathy? Continue reading God’s lonely man