It been tremendous amount of time sense my last post. It’s all do to a combination of mental breakdown (that arose as response to year of apathy and depression) and lack of money, which force me to work overtime, and in holidays. I worked Christmas, New Year’s Eve and New Year. And you think I would had been incredibly sad to have spend those days work instead that with my family. But…
Actually, no I was quite happy. It jut happen that in those days before the coming new year, I saw that my inner desperation, the need to run and fulfill all this things the world had ask of me: Get married, have good career, complete your dreams, have house. Were pushing me beyond sanity.
As mention before my fragile health, cause me to examine those dreams and say. But how shall ever I obtain them? And if I can’t, I must be broken. After all what women would like sick husband, who will sell a house to sick man and so on. I cut myself down in every possibly situation.
And while I retain a sunny disposition outside, the inner me felt like he was slowly sinking. That lasted until the inner me reached out and took hold of the outer shell, and soon I was nothing but a depress, paranoid maniac.
I love to say, there some magic way, some button I press. But no, things just sort of started becoming too much so I had choice, sink to the very bottom or swim. And let me tell you: Sailors don’t sink.
So here I’m one more time.